cherry hill photography

a new little blog . . .

2011-01-03T21:44:00.000-08:00

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So I've decided to start a new little blog . . . one that fits my goals better . . . so if you want, please go and see A Knock at the Door and let me know what you think. I'm envisioning it more as an artist's notebook than a photography blog, and I think that's why I decided to change.

happy new years,
Jessina
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thoughts on the liturgical year

2011-01-02T10:07:00.000-08:00

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"The liturgical year is not an idle discipline, not a sentimentalist's definition of piety, not an historical anachronism. It is Jesus with us, for us, and in us as we strive to make His life our own. It is goad and guide to the kind of personal spirituality that is worthy of the Jesus whose commitment to the Word of God led Him all the way to the cross and beyond it - to Resurrection. It is, without a doubt, learning to live the liturgical year that makes a difference to every other year of our lives."

(Joan Chittister, The Liturgical Year)
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the first semester

2010-12-19T12:02:00.000-08:00

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{saying goodbye}

{orientation week square dance}

{first day of classes}

{sunny afternoon at the park}

{around my room}

{the path that I walk everyday}

{autumn hayride}

{silver medals at the regatta}

{quiet afternoon study breaks}

One of the first nights at college in August, my RA had each of us write a note to ourselves that she then gave back to us this past week. This is a small snippet from mine, which I found meaningful as I reflect back on this semester . . .

Dear Jessina,

You just finished your first half-of-a-week of classes at college. And now you are sitting in Sarah's room, with all the girls on your floor. It has been an amazingly easy transition and a good first week at college . . .

And yet I know that within the upcoming months, in the intervening time between when I write this now and when I open it up at the end of the semester, there will be many challenges - many times when all I will want to do is hide away or cry, or times when I will be overwhelmed, exhausted, and stressed to the limit. But remember these two things:

First, like Mrs. D. reminded you before you left, remember to grant yourself much grace - realize that you are not perfect, but that God is constantly and always sanctifying you, and making you more like himself. Maybe this wasn't the perfect semester, but trust in God's goodness and love towards you, which he has shown you in an infinite amount of ways in the past and present, and most certainly will in the future.

Second, remember this: all will be well and all will be well and all matter of things will be well. No matter what happened in the past three months, all will be well. Trust in the Lord's love. And have hope.

. . . and in the end, realize the abundance of God's grace and cultivate an eye to see His presence in the lives of those around you. Love much. Serve wholeheartedly. Listen to others with compassion. And be more concerned about giving than getting.

See you at the end of the semester,
Jessina

And now I am here - at home, back in my little beloved room, at the end of the semester. It was good. It was rich. It was more than I had anticipated. It had challenges and difficulties. But overwhelmingly, it was full of much grace.

He is indeed faithful.

candles & pencils,
Jessina

P.S. Back to all things Christmas tomorrow!
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staying warm

2010-12-02T15:41:00.001-08:00

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A few favorite coats - most beyond my budget, some not that great for staying warm, but nonetheless pretty to look at and be inspired by . . .
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See the Sea Grey Jacket - Ruche
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Earhardt Jacket - Bridge and Burn
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Librarian Herringbone Jacket - Bridge and Burn

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Expatriate Jacket - Mod Cloth
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Guild House Coat - Mod Cloth
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Part of my favorite December things.

tea and gloves,
Jessina

welcome december

2010-12-02T01:29:00.000-08:00

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My roommate and I woke up to a magical world of glistening snowflakes and snow-covered ground this morning. I love the excitement that surrounds the first snow, especially on a college campus. Everyone is eating snow and throwing snowballs and running about with scarves and mittens and smiles. And the first snow on the first of December = perfect way to start this lovely month.

And so in honor of one of my favorite months, I'm stealing a little idea from Summer Harms and will hopefully be sharing some of my Christmastime favorites over the next few weeks.

much peace,
Jessina
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set us free

2010-11-28T20:38:00.000-08:00

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"Well do I know that
it's not our ambitions, dreams,
desires; hard, hard work
or inner fires that set us free:

it's whatever that He wants."

(Olivia Meldrum)
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autumn flavors

2010-11-16T06:00:00.000-08:00

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Just three recipes that I hope to make over Thanksgiving break . . . which is just a week away!

+ Pumpkin Pear Crumble (click for picture credit)
+ Roasted Broccoli and Parmesan Pasta
+ Butternut Squash and Caramelized Onion Galette
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taking the world into my arms

2010-11-12T18:42:00.000-08:00

Highlights of this past week:

+ Wednesday evening: grace to somehow crank out a philosophy paper in just a few hours. (Hour-long phone calls with philosophy-PhD-aspiring brothers who can explain how thoughts could exist without thinking beings are always helpful.)

+ Thursday night: in bed before midnight for once - both Kathleen and I warm under our bedspreads sitting in the dim light reading our books.

+ Friday morning: silence in my room after getting back from early morning pilates class. Organic yogurt, my favorite design blogs, prayer, a bit of reading, some Jon Foreman, and a little knitting - all before 9am.

+ Saturday afternoon: walking on the leaves-scattered sidewalk around the quaint neighborhoods, decked in scarves and mittens, eating a baguette fresh from the French bakery, breathing the brisk and rainy air.

+ Later Saturday afternoon: knocking on the door of my professor's home, being ushered into the scent of pumpkin pie and the sound of Christmas music and the warmth of the smiles of all the elderly Mennonite women - learning the rhythm of working and talking with them.

+ Sunday afternoon: tea and cookies in my room with two sweet girls . . . talking about Dante and Dostoevsky and all the places we want to go in Europe.

+ Sunday evening: dinner with Margaret in a young couple's apartment from church . . . homemade chorizo tacos, friendly conversation, and generous hospitality.

I don't mean to make it sound like my life is perfect - believe me, there were plenty of moments this week that weren't so beautiful. But I find that reflecting on those moments of grace helps me to grow in the discipline of amazement . . .

When it's over, I want to say: All my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
(Mary Oliver)

all this grace,
Jessina
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a losing position

2010-11-01T16:19:00.001-07:00

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Starting today, I hope to be back to regular posting. It was one of my goals for the year to post more often - mostly because I enjoy it, but also because it is good practice for writing and helps me stay focused and intentional regarding my larger life goals - so I plan to try and get back into the habit, as best as stressful college life allows me.

Today, though, I simply want to share this quote, which I reread tonight. I had underlined this paragraph when I read Wirzba's book earlier this year, and as I picked up the book again tonight and flipped through its pages, I found much needed grace in these words again.

"We are too much social climbers, angling and jockeying for position within an ever-changing hierarchy of prestige. We continually compare ourselves with others, seeing who is more successful or popular or beautiful. This is a losing position to be in, since there will always be somebody who compares better in some area. It is also theologically naive, because it assumes that God sees us in a similar hierarchical manner. When we recognize that we are all sinners, there is no cause for boasting and no need for competitive comparisons. In God's household all members are equally important."
(Norman Wirzba, Living the Sabbath, pg. 60)

under mercy,
Jessina
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multitude monday

2010-09-27T19:28:00.000-07:00

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continuing my list of one thousand gifts . . . (and I really did write this on monday - just didn't get around to actually posting it until now) . . .
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101. a long walk and good conversation in a sunshine-scattered field with the beautiful sarah

102. the kindness of a sophomore who drove me to whole foods - so glad to have yogurt and strawberries and granola again . . . little things that I miss from home

103. the smoky scent of autumn wafting through the air

104. the thought of apple-picking this saturday

105. a merciful professor who gave our entire class an extension on a paper

106. how all the girls on my floor pop out of their rooms whenever I get home from a regatta and give me a grand welcome back and cover my door with welcome home signs

107. the old oak trees that line the path that I walk several times a day

108. the unexpectedly large and blue mid-western sky

109. yoga class tonight with kaitlyn

110. grades that turned out much better than I had anticipated

111. the complete silence of the chapel (silence is something quite rare here)

112. talking about international justice mission with elise around the bonfire sunday evening

113. package slips in my little post box . . .

114. . . . and homemade apple bread from my wonderful mother

115. church-sponsored art exhibits

116. good health and no colds (yet)

117. the night tara and I spent reading our favorite poems together

118. quiet tears that always birth new hope

119. lunch with the lovely jessica every monday, wednesday, and friday

120. returning to an anglican church this week after several weeks elsewhere - and speaking all those wonderfully familiar prayers again - it felt like going home

. . . grant us strength and courage to love and
serve you with gladness and singleness of heart.

All is grace.

grateful,
Jessina
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top six | cooking blogs

2010-09-19T13:29:00.000-07:00

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One of the things I miss the most since coming to college is having a kitchen. On days like Sunday when the only on-campus food option for dinner is basically a hamburger or a veggie burger, there is nothing more that I'd like than a homemade banana-blueberry smoothie or a quick whipping up of whole wheat pasta with basil, tomatoes, and feta. Somehow greasy burgers don't compare.

So on days like today I suppress (or perhaps increase) my desire to cook by using my study breaks to look at food blogs. These are a few of my favorites today . . .

1 | Smitten Kitchen
2 | The Kitchen Sink Recipes
3 | Eggs on Sunday
4 | Fresh365
5 | Canelle et Vanille
6 | Honey & Jam

all's grace,
Jessina
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and this is college

2010-09-10T21:07:00.000-07:00

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trip downtown to get frozen yogurt with some lovely people

saturday morning on campus, walking to the farmer's market

roommates
(and no, I didn't shrink - my lovely roommate just happens to be six feet tall)

I feel like ever since I first stepped foot on this campus, I have been breathing grace after grace after grace.

I had braced myself for college, expecting it to be challenging and uncomfortable at first. And yet it has been unexpectedly good. I don't know quite how else to express it. I have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living - I have seen it here in the faces that I've gotten to know, along the tree-lined paths I walk everyday, in the community of girls on my floor, in the kindness of my professors who give me rides to church each week, in the quiet moments alone in the chapel, in the late-night conversations with my roommate, in my crowded room as girls gather to watch a movie, in the boat as I yell at four guys to keep rowing, in the friendly faces I pass each day as I walk around campus, in the strength to wake up at 4:30am, in the knowledge I feel I have already acquired from my studies, in the cafeteria, in chapel, in classes . . . at that moment each night when I put my book aside, turn my light off and let my muscles (finally) relax in the darkness, as I whisper prayers upward.

I would write more, but I have been out all morning at the river and a lot of reading and paper-writing needs to get done before this evening. But thank you for all who have been praying for me - I know your prayers have truly carried me.

power tens and fall breezes,
Jessina
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fabric-covered bulletin board tutorial

2010-08-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

I've had a basic bulletin board above my desk for about a year now, but ever since I hung it up, I've been wanting to fix it up a bit. It looked a bit too blah and classroom-like for my taste. And so I decided to cover it up with some fabric. The process was much easier and hassle-free than I expected it to be, and it turned out quite lovely. Other than gathering the supplies, I'd say the whole thing only took about 20 minutes.

I used this tutorial as a guideline, but this is how I did it:

Materials: a piece of fabric large enough to cover the cork (I used some extra white linen I had from another project), fabric sheers or scissors, masking tape, spray adhesive, a piece of ribbon or trim long enough to cover the border of the cork, and hot glue or tacky glue

1. Cut out a piece of pre-washed material to fit the interior of your bulletin board. The piece of fabric should fit right up to the frame, but not past the frame. If it's not perfect, that's alright. The ribbon will cover up the inconsistencies.

2. Iron the material, if needed.

3. Using the masking tape, tape off the frame of the bulletin board so that you do not spray any adhesive on the frame.

4. With your material ready and on hand, spray the cork with the spray adhesive and immediately apply the material onto the board. Flatten out any wrinkles while the adhesive is still wet.

5. Once the adhesive is dry, cut out lengths of the ribbon or trim to fit the four sides of the bulletin board. Using hot glue or tacky glue (I found hot glue worked better), attach the ribbon or trim along the edges, within the frame.

And that's it! You could also paint the frame of the bulletin board before doing this, if you didn't like the coloring of the frame. And while I wanted something sort of understated and plain, there are endless possibilities with patterned fabrics or bolder colors.
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multitude monday

2010-08-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

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continuing my list of one thousand gifts . . . I'm one-tenth of the way there now . . .

0081. eighteen years of life

0082. richard foster's books

0083. the kindness of a lady who graciously gave me (an almost total stranger) a beautiful old film camera

0084. peach-picking and picnics

0085. achingly hot summer days, when the sun feels very close

0086. a brother who surprised me and came home from his summer away just to celebrate my birthday

0087. this constant and eternal hope

0088. childhood novels

0089. divine rest . . . come all who are weary . . .

0090. visits from old friends

0091. anticipation

0092. sunflowers and farmers markets

0093. the giggles and shouts and sheer noise of a classroom full of five and six year olds with boats sinking into the seas and porcupines crawling about

0094. having amy home again

0095. letters in the mailbox from faraway friends

0096. peach custard pie

0097. my new-found love of cantaloupe

0098. the complete silence of the house while reading in bed each night before turning the lights out

0099. how very green the world is, particularly this time of year

0100. this last week when I can still imagine what college will be like, without yet experiencing it, knowing how naive I am, and how much I will most likely grow and change this next year . . .
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all's grace,
Jessina
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eighteen

2010-07-28T11:27:00.000-07:00

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"O God, my times are in your hand: look with favor, I pray, on your servant, as I begin another year. Grant that I may grow in wisdom and grace, and strengthen my trust in your goodness all the days of my life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."
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(The Book of Common Prayer)
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cafes in paris

2010-07-25T18:57:00.000-07:00

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I declared to Mother the other day that perhaps I will go to cooking school in Paris after I graduate college. ("Mm-hm," she said.) I think all of the cooking shows that I've been watching since getting my wisdom teeth out have been influencing me. But goodness knows that the food and cafes in France convinced me of this declaration as well, particularly the cafes. The relaxed atmosphere, the little wine glasses on each table, the scrumptious haricots verts, the sauces, the smaller portions, the cafe tables facing the street, the open windows, the waiters who come out with chalkboards . . .
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an attic room

2010-07-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

I've always wanted a room just like this . . .

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an alphabet of grace

2010-07-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

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"Both life and death are present for me in the house this summer. I look at Mother, and think that if I am to reflect on the eventual death of her body, of all bodies, in a way that is not destructive, I must never lose sight of those other deaths which precede the final, physical death, the deaths over which we have some freedom; the death of self-will, self-indulgence, self-deception, all those self-devices which, instead of making us more fully alive, make us less." (Madeline L'Engle, The Summer of the Great Grandmother, 53)

"The times I have been most fully me are when I have been wholly involved in someone or something else; when I am listening, rather than talking; cooking a special, festive dinner; struggling with a fugue at the piano; putting a baby to bed; writing. A long-dead philosopher said that if we practice dying enough during our lives we will hardly notice the moment of transition when the actual time comes. But I am far from a saint, and I am seldom able to practice consciously this kind of dying; it is not a do-it-yourself activity. I know about it only after it has happened, and I am only now beginning to recognize it for what it is." (Madeline L'Engle, The Summer of the Great Grandmother, 53)

"Did Mado ever have the sudden, intemperate rages which sometimes hit me, and which are produced by what seems completely inadequate causes? She surely had reason for rage and resentment, and yet these are qualities which are never mentioned in regard to her. If they were there, she kept them to herself, and healed them in her own way, with prayer. I have her battered Bible, which Mother had rebound for me. It was much read, much marked, and there are stains which came, I think, through private tears. Perhaps through it she will teach me an alphabet of grace. She had that spontaneous quality of aliveness which illuminates people who have already done a lot of their dying, and I think I am beginning to understand the truth of that." (Madeline L'Engle, The Summer of the Great-Grandmother, 179-180)
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trying again, by grace,
Jessina
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six nice things

2010-07-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

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1 | These Banana Bran Muffins from Eating Well. I haven't made them yet, but they look scrumptious (without the nuts and chocolate, please). And they'd be the perfect way to use up that extra pound of whole wheat bran I've got in the pantry that Mom's been encouraging me to use . . .

2 | I know it's trendy and the thing to do if you're in certain college hipster crowds, but I nonetheless think that TOMS is a wonderful brand with a good mission and some awfully cute shoes. I especially like the burlap ones.

3 | I am so totally in love with this picture display idea that I found via Domestic Life. And I have a huge wall in my room that I've been debating what to do with for a long time, and I think this will be perfect in every way (especially with that price of $16).

4 | The movie Forrest Gump. I've never seen it before today, but I liked it a lot. (Though be warned that there were a few parts I fast forwarded through . . . )

5 | This "Work Hard & Be Nice to People" poster that plays off the wording and styling of the "Keep Calm & Carry On" poster that's been circling around the design world for some time now. But I like the message of this one better, along with the more rustic design.

6 | I love this idea from Inchmark about how to host a "favorite things" party. What a lovely idea. I've also heard of having book swap parties, which I've thought sounds wonderful too.
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to live with arms stretched out

2010-07-09T16:36:00.000-07:00

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Forty days until I up and away to college. So much anticipation + excitement + fruitless curiosity.

About these classes:

Classical and Early British Literature
Freshman Seminar
Public Speaking
Foundations of Ministry
Introduction to Philosophy

And about K., the roommate-to-be, and all the other people that I shall meet.

And about all the adventures and happenings that will take place there.

Yet I am also trying quite purposefully to simply enjoy this summer. I've been doing a lot of reading (The Hobbit, currently, and an awful lot of Madeline L'Engle's non-fiction). And a lot of baking. And a lot of shopping with Mom. A few too many doctor appointments. And probably too much sleeping. And smoothies with dear girls. Watching cooking shows as I eat my lunch. A little bit of crafting and creating. Attempts at the ballet Don Quixote. An awful lot of cleaning and reorganizing.

And beginning tomorrow I am off for a week downtown with my church to work with kids in a not-so-good area of town. I'd covet your prayers . . . that I'd truly be able to love in a self-sacrificing way.

bright as yellow,
Jessina
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birdies or patchwork

2010-07-08T18:10:00.001-07:00

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So, another college decision. Which bedspread?

Option Number One: Birdie Stamp Duvet

Option Number Two: Iris Quilt

Comments, suggestions, advice? Option number one is a bit more practical because it is machine washable. It is also green, which I like very much. Option number two is a bit more unique, and also a lot softer. Help?
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multitude monday

2010-07-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

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continuing my list of one thousand gifts . . .

0061. the summertime sun

0062. peace & safety after the car accident

0063. madeline l'engle and all of her writing

0064. little friends decked out for the fourth of july with red, white, and blue ribbons on their pigtails

0065. these words: ". . . do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares . . . "

0066. the strength to jog up long hills at noon in the middle of july

0067. being inspired by the selflessness & love of an old friend

0068. time to be creative, cook, and just sit down and read for an hour

0069. laughter in the back seat of the car with Brother

0070. a very good sermon

0071. the stressful fun I had scheduling classes and the anticipation for it all to begin come august

0072. the way the sunshine always settles in my room every afternoon and leaves geometric patterns all over the floor

0073. the truly overwhelming kindness of others

0074. my stack of art postcards that I bought in europe (oh, how I like them)

0075. megan's eyes (because I was admiring how pretty they were the other day)

0076. a kind nurse who attempted to distract me while she poked around to find my blood vessel (unfortunately, it didn't work . . . I still fainted)

0077. our travels to europe . . . so grateful for the opportunity to go and the many memories made

0078. the beautiful smile and kindness of an older lady at church who always stops to talk to me

0079. meeting danielle at the gryphon and catching up

0080. icy summer drinks, fruity smoothies, and frozen yogurt

all is truly grace,
Jessina
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postcard | to brother with love!

2010-06-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

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Dear Derek,
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Thanks for lending me your jacket when it was pouring at Versailles. And thanks for making life more fun, while also always being willing to have a serious conversation. Can't wait to see you tomorrow!
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love you,
Jessina
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beauty & wisdom

2010-06-23T17:16:00.000-07:00

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"Plato once remarked that if wisdom were visible, the whole world would fall madly in love with it. Although wisdom is not visible, beauty is. And this is why, for Plato and many other philosophers, in loving beauty, people are moving in the direction of wisdom. The important implication here is that we human beings simply cannot do without beauty . . . If beauty will save the world, it is because beauty presupposes love and points in the direction of wisdom." (Donald DeMarco) Read more here.
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"The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things--the beauty, the memory of our own past--are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of the a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited." (C.S. Lewis)
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Thinking about the difference between an ascetic life and a life intentionally surrounded by beauty. So often the gospels seem to encourage a life of an asceticism, of giving up everything, of stark plainness. But then--how does this seemingly innate longing for beauty fit in? And I always come back to the woman with the expensive perfume. And these words of his: "She has done a beautiful thing to me . . . " (But then there are his words to the Rich Young Man.)
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Considering G.M. Hopkins' struggles between his monastic life as a priest and his work as a poet, I think I might have more in common with him than just a birth date.
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whispered prayers,
Jessina
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whole grain crackers with parmesan reggiano + ground black pepper

2010-06-22T10:54:00.000-07:00

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While in France, we had dinner with Brother's French host family from when he had studied abroad in Strasbourg. One of the appertifs they served at the meal was cheese with ground black pepper sprinkled on top. I'm not a big eat-cheese-by-itself person, but the addition of the ground black pepper made it delicious.

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And with a bit of leftover parmesan reggiano from last night's dinner, I assembled my own little cracker-cheese-ground pepper snack. I should note, perhaps, that I obviously have no authority on the subject of cheese and it is quite likely that this type of thing is done just as much in America as in France. But anyway, I thought it was good idea and I for one had never heard of it before. Try it out . . . and while I'm sure any cheese would work, the nutty flavor of the parmesan reggiano combined with the pepper was particularly scrumptious.
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too much fromage and lots of smoke,
Jessina
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views of paris

2010-06-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

And so we went to Paris. And now we are home. It was lovely and more than I even imagined it could be. I had anticipated that all the cliches of Paris were made-up touristy ideas. But, really, for the most part, they weren't. Old women walked down the street with several baguettes underneath their arms. Lovers were constantly making out--on the subway, in the museum, at the cafe. I never saw a French woman or man in a t-shirt or sneakers or shorts; they do indeed know how to dress well. People leisurely sit around the cafes for hours, smoking and drinking wine. And the French really do quite often say "oh, la, la!"
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I took almost 3000 pictures on the trip, not just of Paris, but also Strasbourg, Rothenburg, Dover, Oxford, and London. (Goodness knows how patient my family was as I constantly lagged behind them in order to take pictures. And by the end of the trip they were making fun of my "Perfect! Just one more!" Um, if that picture is perfect, why do you need just one more? And, of course, one more would turn into ten more.) More on the other cities and some of our adventures later, but for now, a few pictures of Paris:

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Also, quick note: all photos are taken by me except for the fifth from the bottom, which is by Amy. And by the way, you should check out her blog; she's in Oxford for the summer and writing frequent updates!
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all's grace,
Jessina

a strain of earth's sweet being in the beginning

2010-06-03T20:18:00.000-07:00

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So grateful for an afternoon of summery goodness yesterday. Despite it being summertime, a deluge of sickness, dance rehearsals, guests from out of town, and graduation party details have swamped every minute of my life these past few weeks. It was lovely to just have an afternoon "off" yesterday and spend some time drinking tea and strolling around the fair with friends.
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Thursday night tid-bits:
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+ Goodness, I'm digging this new 35mm f/1.8 lens. So excited to bring it to France.
+ Speaking of which, my suitcase sits on my bedroom floor empty. So much packing to do and preparations to complete before Saturday morning!
+ I always find it harder to fit in time for prayer during the summer than during the school year. The summertime lack of routine always knocks me off balance.
+ Overwhelmed at the kindness of God. I do not deserve "all this juice and all this joy." (Name that poem?)
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I doubt I'll be posting while traveling, so this might be my last post for a few weeks. I have some scrumptious little plans for this blog when I return though, hopefully helping it have a bit more direction. (At this point, I feel like one day I'm a photography blogger, one day a cooking blogger, one day a crafting blogger, one day a personal blogger, one day an Anglican blogger, one day a literary blogger . . . ) But until then, happy summer, friends!
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packing lists & ferris wheels,
Jessina
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an emperor for a minute

2010-05-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

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Next time what I'd do is look at
the earth before saying anything. I'd stop
just before going into a house
and be an emperor for a minute
and listen better to the wind
or to the air being still.
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When anyone talked to me, whether
blame or praise or just passing time,
I'd watch the face, how the mouth
has to work, and see any strain, any
sign of what lifted the voice.
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And for all, I'd know more -- the earth
bracing itself and soaring, the air
finding every leaf and feather over
forest and water, and for every person
the body glowing inside the clothes
like a light.

Mary Oliver
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multitude monday

2010-05-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

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continuing my list of one thousand gifts . . .

0041. being completely done AP tests

0042. simple things made divine

0043. the guy at the AP gridding session at my public high school who noticed my (rather obvious) bright yellow visitor name tag and left his friends to talk to me amidst the swarm of nameless highschoolers

0044. a brand new set of my favorite pens

0045. a phone message from a sweet little girl

0046. anticipation for joining the crew team at college

0047. a clean room (that, uh, hadn't been vacuumed since christmas break)

0048. free time to do the stuff that I've been wanting to do since last august

0049. reading in bed for an hour after I woke up

0050. being fully known

0051. frozen plain yogurt from trader joe's

0052. my mother's unchanging love

0053. watching the sunrise from the window in my morning room

0054. brother coming home this week

0055. the words in luke 18 . . . "they ought always to pray and not lose heart . . . "

0056. the gathered courage and grace to be baptized this week (though honestly, I'm not looking forward to having water thrown in my face in front of an entire congregation)

0057. all the little things, all the moment-by-moment graces

0058. strawberries and the first peaches of the season

0059. breathing the fresh air at the lake near our house over the weekend

0060. imperfections and the truth that each day is another blank slate with new mercies

all's grace,
Jessina
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paris à l'été

2010-05-08T15:06:00.000-07:00

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Taking a little study break this afternoon . . . and thinking of summer, or really, our family's little unexpected vacation to France (and a quick stop in England) come June. Just a little excited . . .
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(credit)

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(credit)
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If I calculated correctly, it has been around eight years since we've last been in Paris (well, except for Brother). And except for a few foggy memories of a busy cafe along some Parisian street and being atop the Eiffel Tower, I don't remember much from France. I am so anticipating just strolling around the city with camera around my neck and journal in hand.
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As a part of my intentional study break this afternoon, I stopped by a bookstore and perused all the French guidebooks and maps, trying to grasp in my mind how the streets of this city work and making lists of all the places I want to suggest to the family to visit. And really--it wasn't a study break, because a quarter of the architecture for my AP Art History exam next week seems to be in Paris . . . at least that's what I kept telling myself.
-
I've also been making a list of all the books I want to read in preparation for our visit or while we are there:
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1. Paris to the Moon by Adam Gopnik
2. Your Name is Renee by Stacy Cretzmeyer
3. Citizens by Simon Schama (doubt all 976 pages of this would get done before the trip . . . )
4. . . . and the stack of guidebooks I have on hold at the library
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Now I just have to make it until Wednesday and then I can actually start to read them all.
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thinking of cafes,
Jessina
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more from the petite ballerinas

2010-04-21T07:42:00.000-07:00

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Two funny little prayer requests from some of the girls in the preschool ballet class I teach:
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IY: My prayer request today is that everyone in the whole entire world would burst into laughter.
-
(And she was laughing so hard come her turn to pray that she couldn't even pray herself. And this same girl also mentioned at the end of the class that she would no longer like me to call her by her real name, but she'd rather me call her "Hilarious Fun." Certainly, Hilarious Fun.)
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JD: My prayer request today is for my finger. I hurt it last year.
Me: Oh, and does it still hurt?
JD: No, I don't think so. But I want to pray about it.
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polka dot hair bows and lots of smiles,
Jessina
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multitude monday

2010-04-19T18:25:00.000-07:00

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Continuing my list of one thousand gifts . . .

0021. finishing reading my 1090 page art history text book today

0022. my pile of books, journals, prayer books, and planners

0023. the memories made from a bee that kept my sister and I up until 4am last Thursday night as we attempted to kill it

0024. having the opportunity to talk to the director of photography from International Justice Mission

0025. bright blue summer-like skies

0026. the older and slight Chinese man that takes walks in our neighborhood everyday

0027. a homemade banana-blueberry-strawberry smoothie

0028. labor that is not in vain

0029. extra time with my sister this weekend

0030. knowing that there will be strength for these next few weeks, even if it is difficult to see

0031. learning about the injustices around the world, but also of the work that is being done and the lives that are being rescued

0032. coming home again

0033. the wide-open, grace-filled arms of God

0034. late night conversations

0035. answered prayer

0036. and unanswered prayer

0037. the voices of the petite ballerinas

0038. verses on my chalkboard to refocus my mind, my heart

0039. abstract expressionist postage stamps

0040. the ladies (and the one little guy) with whom I spent the weekend and the opportunity to get to know them better

all's grace,
Jessina
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without wavering

2010-04-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

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I have been mulling over the concept of trust a lot this past week, as indecision, fear, and worry of all sorts has deluded my plans for the future. My life seems so fragile right now, so dependent on choices that I will make in these next weeks and months.
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And these words speak truth:
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" . . . let us draw near with a true heart
in full assurance of faith . . .
let us hold fast the confession
of our hope without wavering,
for he who promised is faithful."
(Hebrews 10:22-23)
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let us draw near . . . let us hold fast . . . to the confession of our hope
-
Tonight I am:
-
thinking . . . how thankfulness cultivates creativity + what college orientation will be like come august
-
listening . . . to derek webb + jj heller
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feeling . . . sore from ballet tonight + overwhelmed about all the work that must be done before leaving for the conference on friday
-
planning . . . tomorrow's schedule + graduation party stuff
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reading . . . "heart of darkness" for ap literature + "the call" by os guinness + some beloved mary oliver poetry + hebrews
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letting go and holding fast,
Jessina
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multitude monday

2010-04-12T10:54:00.000-07:00

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As a way to celebrate the whole fifty days of Easter, I decided to join the gratitude community and begin my list of one thousand gifts . . . hopefully adding to it each Monday . . . perhaps more often . . .

(the ones in bold are associated with a picture . . . )

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0001. postcards in the mail with sweet words of wisdom
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0002. pink polka dot hair bows
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0003. an outdoor picnic while babysitting sweet kids
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0004. driving past an older man getting his mail, wrinkled hands, large smile
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0005. inner peace about my future
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0006. sweat, hot sun, pavement, pain, and jogging with my brother
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0007. little girls' voices exclaiming "hello!" and warmly welcoming the new girl to dance class
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0008. a one-on-one basketball game with my dad that turned into tears and a long talk about what I should do with my life
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0009. the colors of spring
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0010. whole wheat sourdough bread for lunch again
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0011. blue and white striped shirts
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0012. the anticipation of a weekend trip with friends
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0013. opening my windows on a warm spring day, sitting back in my armchair, plopping my feet on the windowsill, breathing the fresh breeze, and seeing that beloved view again

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0014. sitting in the grass with a good book
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0015. petite ballerinas holding hands
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0016. people I respect who invite me into their homes, their families, their lives
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0017. little people who I send out on a backyard treasure hunt to find something beautiful and all of us reveling in their discoveries . . . little ordinary beauties of creation . . . the texture of bark, the shape of a stick, the pink hues in a rock
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0018. mercies new every morning
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0019. my mother's laugh
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0020. easter truths breathed new again
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all's grace,
Jessina
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ancient and obdurate oaks

2010-04-02T21:42:00.000-07:00

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This week has found me sick. Shamefully: I am not very pain tolerant, at all. When I am sick, I find it difficult to pray, difficult to be kind, difficult to be diligent. And in all honesty, it has just been a measly little cold. Just a snuffy nose, a headache, and a cough.
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Last summer I came across this quote from Virginia Woolf's On Being Ill and found her description of sickness, if not her conclusion about literature, so decisively true:
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"Considering how common illness is, how tremendous the spiritual change that it brings, how astonishing, when the lights of health go down, the undiscovered countries that are then disclosed, what wastes and deserts of the soul a slight attack of influenza brings to view, what precipices and lawns sprinkled with bright flowers a little rise of temperature reveals, what ancient and obdurate oaks are uprooted in us by the act of sickness, how we go down into the pit of death and feel the waters of annihilation close above our heads and wake thinking to find ourselves in the presence of the angels and the harpers when we have a tooth out and come to the surface in the dentist's arm-chair and confuse his 'Rinse the mouth-rinse the mouth' with the greeting of the Deity stooping from the floor of Heaven to welcome us--when we think of this, as we are so frequently forced to think of it, it becomes strange indeed that illness has not taken its place with love and battle and jealousy among the prime themes of literature."
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Sickness seems to be the appointed school of sanctification for me.
-
In other thoughts:
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+ A headline today: "One of the Moscow subway bombers was a 17 year old widow." My age.
+ I think the Maundy Thursday service and liturgy just might be my favorite of all (so far).
+ My mantra this week: "Communion fills the empty spaces, not consumption."
+ I can endure one more month.
+ ". . . you have brought us out of error into truth, out of sin into righteousness, out of death into life."
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Forsaken, that we might not be forsaken.
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in somber silence,
Jessina
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bread that satisfies

2010-03-25T13:10:00.000-07:00

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Come, everyone who thirsts,
come to the waters;
and he who has no money,
come, buy, and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without price.
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As I mentioned previously, part of my focus for this Lenten season has been Christ as the Bread of Life. By choosing to fast from bread, I have sought to understand more fully the only sustenance that I truly need. I have sought to consider and set aside all those earthly pleasures through which I so often seek my satisfaction and worth.
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Why do you spend your money
for that which is not bread,
and your labor,
for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me,
and eat what is good,
and delight yourselves in rich food.
Incline your ear, and come to me;
hear, that your soul may live.
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So often I spend my money, my labor, and my time on that which is not the true Bread of Life, attempting to feed my soul with that which does not satisfy. Often this temptation comes in the form of relationships or food. For me this temptation most often comes in the form of schedule, routine, and discipline. I seek my sense of worth, my pleasure, my satisfaction, my bread, in my ability to live up to my own self-imposed standards.
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And so this time of Lent has been a time set aside for repentance, for turning away and forsaking those things that I so often rely on for my sustenance, for abstaining from those movies and books that I turn to for a quick fix of pleasure, for learning to live the day God has given me rather than seeking my worth in controlling my schedule, for learning to love others out of self-sacrifice rather than seeking them to satisfy my own insecurities, for realizing again the abundant grace of God, knowing that the bread and wine, his body and blood, are truly all that I need.
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Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call upon him while he is near;
let the wicked forsake his way,
and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the Lord,
that he may have compassion on him,
and to our God,
for he will abundantly pardon.
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And yet, with repentance, I often feel a sense of despair over my own lack of progress. I expect myself to change and yet I fall back into my old ways. However, I read somewhere recently, that when we repent we must always "seek out the promise." We must remember that God hears our prayers of repentance and will continue the work he has begun in us. We must remember that he is planting seeds within us that will sprout and grow and accomplish all of his purposes. We must remember that when we ask for the Bread of Life, he promises to nourish us with what is good and rich.
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For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it break forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
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(Isaiah 55:1-3, 6-7, 10-11)
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book of the week | evangelical is not enough

2010-03-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

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week five | book of the week | evangelical is not enough
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I first heard about Evangelical is Not Enough: Worship of God in Liturgy and Sacrament through Elizabeth Esther's online book club. I was intrigued, but didn't bother to look into it further. Later in January, a friend mentioned something else about it and suggested that I read it, so I found a copy and delved into it. The book tells the story of Thomas Howard (who, incidentally, is Elisabeth Elliot's brother) and "his pilgrimage from Evangelicalism (which he loves and reveres as the religion of his youth) to liturgical Christianity."
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As I've mentioned before, I have begun my own little journey towards the more liturgical traditions. But I still feel like so many of the reasons I am attracted to the liturgy and the sacraments are still fuzzy in my mind, for I was attracted to it all before I could even explain why. When the shocked girls in my ballet class inquired this past December why I was now attending the "boring" Episcopal church, I found it difficult to articulate my answer. So I hoped reading Thomas Howard's journey would help clarify my own journey somewhat. And I think it did.
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Having said that, let me mention that I really don't feel like I read this book closely enough. It's on my "need to read again" shelf. But that's the case primarily because it was such a good book, one that I think held more in it than I was able to comprehend in one week (and in the early mornings, no less, when my primary goal was just trying to keep my eyes open).
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The book is directed towards Evangelicals who have an interest in the liturgical church and who have perhaps grown weary with some aspects of Evangelicalism. There are a lot of books out there today that seem to address people who have "grown weary with Evangelicalism." But I think one of the things that makes this book unique is that Howard clearly expresses his appreciation and respect for the Evangelicalism of his youth. He does not immediately start discussing all the wrong things about Evangelicalism, but rather states right away that his "debt to Protestantism is incalculable." And he carries this same attitude throughout the entire book--he discusses the reasons he is drawn to liturgy with an appealing honesty and grace towards all.
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In the first chapter, Howard takes a moment to define Evangelicals. I found rather amusing the list of "touchstones" he uses to explain the Evangelical identity--perhaps because it is all so familiar--everything from Billy Graham and Wheaton College to an emphasis on the Second Coming or missions. The rest of the chapters deal individually with different aspects of of the liturgical tradition that attracted him, from ordered prayer to worship as an act rather than an experience. See the full list of all of the chapters below.
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I do not have the time or the space to write about the specific ways this book has helped to clarify my own journey towards liturgy, so I am thinking that perhaps I will have to start in the future a little series of posts listing some of those reasons (for my own sake, mostly--then I'll know how to answer people better!). But if you'd like to read more about the book, there is a lot of information and discussion over at Elizabeth Esther. And no doubt you'll see me quoting from it again in the near future--it is a book I find myself returning to over and over.
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Book Information:
Published in 1984 by Ignatius Press
158 pages
10 chapters:
---1. Protestant and Evangelical: Understanding Ourselves
---2. Spirit and Flesh: Surrendered Forever or Reunited?
---3. Christian Worship: Act or Experience?
---4. Prayer: Random or Disciplined?
---5. Hail, Blessed Virgin Mary: What Did the Angel Mean?
---6. Ritual or Ceremony: A Dead Hand or the Liberty of the Spirit?
---7. Table and Altar: Supper and Sacrament
---8. The Eucharistic Liturgy: Diagram and Drama
---9. The Liturgical Year: Redeeming the Time
---10. Envoi
Postcript, Notes, & Further Reading
Price: $10.36
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three recipes

2010-03-16T19:31:00.000-07:00

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Three yummy recipes that I've tried recently:
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1. mini spinach and cheese pizzas
2. pasta with pesto, potatoes, and green beans
3. gingerbread apple upside down cake
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true sustenance

2010-03-12T13:14:00.001-08:00

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"I am starved for the Bread of Heaven and I beg for that which is true sustenance, which nothing on the earth or in the self can satisfy and I crave desperately for the Body and for the Blood and for Him, my only hope of righteousness." Read the rest of this article on Lenten fasting here.
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amy

2010-03-08T21:59:00.000-08:00

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This past weekend my sister and I had a splendid weekend at home together by ourselves. These past few weeks we had both been quite stressed with school-related activities, so when Amy arrived home from college on Saturday evening, we both just felt like simply lying on the couch, talking, and relishing in that wonderful understanding that only a sister provides. So after an excursion to the grocery store and a homemade dinner, we watched Bright Star (which we thought even in all of its poetic beauty--it's about John Keats--and beautiful design, it was still, ahem, quite interesting).
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On Sunday, we awoke to a glorious spring-like day. As I drove to church, the sun was rising, the sky was blue, the air was warm, and the birds were cheeping. There are few things in the world that I love more than a sunny Sunday in spring, particularly one with my sister. So later in the afternoon, Amy and I decided to take advantage of the weather and we drove over to a lovely little lake that is down the road from our house so that I could take some pictures of her.
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So meet my sister and ten of my favorite things about her:

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1 | the obvious: she is beautiful

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2 | she knows how to bring the fun into any situation and convinces my occasionally over-disciplined self to lax up and enjoy life a bit more
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3 | there is some sort of understanding between us where I know that she knows what I really mean even if I can't perfectly express it with words

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4 | she is thoughtful and reflective and very analytical
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5 | she has the most stunningly gorgeous almond-shaped eyes
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6 | her "scrunchy nose" laugh is contagious and cute
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7 | she likes A Severe Mercy and A Circle of Quiet, the 1999 version of Mansfield Park, JJ Heller, reading poetry, choreographing dances, listening to sermons by Tim Keller, and cooking yummy food
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8 | she randomly skypes me throughout the day to chat, sends me long letters in the mail that brighten up an ordinary day, and texts me often just to let me know that she is praying for me
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9 | she walks barefoot into the frigidly cold water for me so that I can get a better picture
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10 | she is consistently trying to improve herself

And there are so many other things I could say.
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I miss you, Amy.
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much love,
Jessina
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looking up

2010-03-02T09:20:00.000-08:00

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As I was studying for a test yesterday, the following painting by Ruisdael from seventeenth century Baroque art in Holland really struck me, with its low horizon line and its obvious emphasis on the sky:
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And later yesterday afternoon, as I was driving to ballet class, I was struck by the huge expanse of the perfectly blue sky, reflecting and shimmering in the contrasting white snow beneath. It was so extraordinarily beautiful (also, perhaps, because there was that luscious hint of spring in the air).
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So I have been thinking about the sky a lot--"the inns of Molten Blue"--and am thinking that I need to look up a bit more often.
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surrounded by shouts of deliverance

2010-02-28T20:12:00.000-08:00

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"You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance.
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'I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go:
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.'
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Many are sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one
who trusts in the Lord."
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(Psalm 32:7-8, 10, ESV)
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postcard | to k & m with love!

2010-02-26T20:55:00.000-08:00

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Dear K & M,
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Just wanted to let you know that you are both in my thoughts and prayers tonight. I miss you both and look forward to future adventures together, whether they may be walks in the winter woods, surreys on the sunny boardwalk, or conversations in coffeeshops. K--I hear you have a lot of work this week, so you are in my prayers in particular. M--I bought my bus ticket and I shall see you this week! I am beyond excited. And I won't forget my camera, either.
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much love,
Jessina
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a winter manifesto

2010-02-25T15:27:00.000-08:00

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Inspired by Amanda Blake Soule, this is my own winter manifesto:

on dark and snowy evenings,
find yourself a comfortable armchair next to a window,
drink hot apple cider and stir it with a cinnamon stick,
pick up a book and read and read and read,
and eat some chocolate too.
smell the roast in the oven,
and listen to the voluptuous voice of the wind
battering against the doors and walls.
ignore him. light a candle,
watch the slowly faltering light outside
and the flakes drifting from the clouds;
dream of summer skies and green grass,
but find the treasures hidden in a snowy night.
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any other winter manifestos?
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repentance & rest

2010-02-25T09:37:00.000-08:00

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"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength."
(Isaiah 30:15)
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coming clean by getting dirty

2010-02-23T19:47:00.000-08:00

"Some people find it difficult to speak these words of confession and contrition. In our modern efforts towards 'positive self esteem' it can seem counterproductive to declare ourselves to be miserable sinners. If we focus on our shortcomings, won't others think less of us? Our common desire to appear better than we are, to 'put our best foot forward,' can hinder us from even acknowledging we have shortcomings. But Ash Wednesday is first and foremost about honesty--coming clean by getting dirty, paradoxically speaking. The purpose of confession is not to feel 'bad' about yourself, but to be humbled in the sense of grounded in earth (humus), to be thoroughly human, to be cleansed from the past to be free for the present and the future."

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(Vicki K. Black, Welcome to the Church Year, page 59)
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more from the petite ballerinas

2010-02-22T19:12:00.001-08:00

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Because I don't want to forget their sweetness and their hilarious craziness:
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GS: Your sister plays the viola?
IT: Yes, and I really want to play too, but I can't because I wasn't alive last week.
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AE: (after not being able to do a little stretch that the others girls had accomplished) I am just SO upset (cue the tears).
Me: (taking her aside) What are you feeling, dear?
AE: (with tears and heavy breaths) I am just, um, so upset because the clock on the wall there doesn't say the right time!
Me: Dear, the clock does say the right time. Now can you tell me what you're feeling?
AE: (again, with tears) I am just so upset because this carpet doesn't have any black squares in it!
Me: (huh?) But it has lots of other colorful squares! Now really, what are you feeling?
AE: (with more tears) I am just so upset because of that clock!
Me: (realizing that we aren't getting to the point here...) Darling, are you upset because you couldn't do the stretch?
AE: (with a huge burst of tears and a big wail) Yeessss! I won't EVER be able to do it and I don't ever want to dance again!
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After more tears, a few hugs, and a little talk, she decided she still wanted to dance; but really, where did the black carpet squares and the clock not working come from? And just how were you at dance last week, IT, if you weren't alive? And how in the world does that relate to your sister playing the viola? Oh, those funny little minds.
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book of the week | miriam's kitchen

2010-02-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

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week four | book of the week | miriam's kitchen
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My sister somehow had two copies of Miriam's Kitchen by Elizabeth Erlich, so she kindly gave one to me. This memoir, about a woman returning to the Jewish traditions of her ancestors, had been sitting atop my bookshelf for some months. It wasn't a book I had chosen or that I was particularly drawn to, but it was sitting there waiting to be read, so I picked it up at the end of January.
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If anything drew me to it, though, it was the following quote from the introduction that my sister had e-mailed me some weeks before, when she began reading it herself: "Yet serious cooking is an essentially optimistic art. It reaches into the future, vanishes into memory, and creates the desire for another meal." This enchanting view of cooking is embedded into the very core of the memoir. And the traditional kosher kitchen of Erlich's mother-in-law becomes the central setting.
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Throughout the memoir, Erlich recounts small snapshots of her life as a young girl growing up in a partially-committed Jewish family, one that was slowly falling away from the traditions of the faith. As she grew older and left home, she separated herself almost entirely from her family's faith. It was not until she married and met her mother-in-law, Miriam, that she slowly began to return to Judaism, to the traditions of her past, to her family's history, and to the kosher kitchen.
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The memoir is organized by the months of the year, beginning in September and going through each month with small essay-type chapters on varying topics and interspersed with her family recipes. However, the memoir is not chronological whatsoever; Erlich will jump from one essay-chapter about her life as a child to another essay-chapter about her grandmother's childhood. But it was all done seamlessly and the hopping from one time period to another blended easily into the story of how Erlich became increasingly attracted to the values and traditions of Judaism.
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Ultimately, though, it was Miriam in her kitchen that drew Erlich back. She writes, "It has always been the religion of the home that compelled me, not that of the public sphere. My felt heritage was kitchen, and holiday, and attitude, the atmosphere that my grandmothers were able to protect and transmit, against odds, through time." Above all, Erlich clearly treasures the small moments and traditions of life most. "I am struck, as always, by the small things," she writes.
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As unfamiliar as I am with the daily rituals and life of a Jewish family, this proved to be a helpful introduction. And while perhaps it wasn't the most compelling read, it certainly aroused in me a greater admiration for the small things of life, for traditions and heritage, and for the the ever-optimistic art of cooking.
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Book Information:
Published in 1997 by Penguin
361 pages
13 chapters:
---1. September - Longing
---2. October - Diaspora
---3. November - Native Ground
---4. December - Inheritance
---5. January - Obligation
---6. February - Observance
---7. March - Miracles
---8. April - Female Religion
---9. May - Decisions
---10. June - The Life Force
---11. July - Community
---12. August - Words and Deeds
---13. September - Continuity
Introduction
Price: $10.88
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book of the week | welcome to the church year

2010-02-21T13:47:00.000-08:00

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week three | book of the week | welcome to the church year by vicki k. black

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Beginning at the end of last summer, I have started to try to order my life more and more around the church calendar: the different seasons of Advent, Epiphany, Lent, Easter, Pentecost and so forth. But growing up in a church that did not follow the church seasons except for Easter and perhaps a mention of Advent, the language of the liturgical church year was unfamiliar to me. Nor did I fully understand the purpose behind it. I attended the services, listened closely, and tried to gather as much information as I could. But I still felt like I did not fully understand.
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And honestly, I still do not fully understand. But since last summer, I have come across several resources that have been helpful in developing my understanding of the liturgical church year more and more. One of these is a book I picked up at my church's library entitled Welcome to the Church Year: An Introduction to the Seasons of the Episcopal Church by Vicki K. Black.
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It is a very basic, straightforward, chronological guide to the church year. Black first covers the purpose behind the church year and why the celebration of time and tradition is important. She then addresses each individual season, discussing the themes, traditions, services, and liturgy for each. She intersperses scripture and liturgy throughout and there are several questions for discussion at the end of each chapter. It is indeed purely an introduction--for someone who has not grown up in a liturgical church and who is not at all familiar with the church year. But while it is basic, I found it very helpful in my own understanding of the different church seasons.
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Book Information:
Published in 2004 by Morehouse Publishing
126 pages
8 chapters:
---1. Welcome to the Church Year
---2. Advent
---3. Christmas
---4. The Epiphany
---5. Lent
---6. Holy Week
---7. Easter to Pentecost
---8. The Season of Pentecost
Price: $11.20
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six nice things

2010-02-18T08:06:00.000-08:00

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A few things that I've been liking recently:
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1 | three-quartered v-neck tee from gap -- I bought two of these on a recent excursion to Gap and I have been wearing them pretty much all the time since then. They're fairly cheap (I got them on sale for $10) and they are super comfy. And what I love most about them is that they are really versatile: I can wear them to ballet with gauchos or I can layer them with a cardigan for a more dressed up look. The fabric is pretty thin and the neckline obviously comes down rather low, though...so a camisole underneath is helpful.
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2 | the gentle art of domesticity by jane brocket -- For Valentine's Day, my lovely parents gave all of us kids gift certificates to Barnes and Noble. So yesterday afternoon, Brother and I stopped by the bookstore and perused around for awhile. I happened upon this book and absolutely fell in love with it. I will write more about it later, but it is so full of beautiful, eye-catching inspiration. The photos are beyond gorgeous. And it makes me just want to stay home and knit and bake and start a garden and study art history.
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3 | painted red album by jj heller -- I happened upon this music album the other day and I am completely in love. It's a wonderful mix of that sort of indie sound and beautiful + contemplative lyrics. I think JJ Heller might be a new favorite.
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4 | hair pom pom DIY -- I am on this little kick and I am loving any sort of flower or pom-pom squeezed in next to a pony tail or a bun. They tend to be rather expensive store bought though ($10-15), so I am thinking I will have to try out this lovely little do-it-yourself hair pom pom.
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5 | nexxus nourishing botanical shampoo -- I have been using this shampoo for the past couple of weeks and I really, really like it. It's a tad bit more expensive, but there really is a silky difference between this shampoo and others that I have used. It's also paraben and dye free. And it smells incredibly good. (And, by the way, it's much cheaper in stores than what I've linked to here on Amazon.com--I don't spend $30 on shampoo, thank you very much.)
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6 | the small rain by madeleine l'engle -- This is another book I picked up at the bookstore yesterday with my brother. I've thoroughly enjoyed anything I've read by L'engle, so I was excited to find another one of her books. I've only read the introduction and the beginning part of the first chapter, but I already adore it. According to the back cover, it is a "genteel exploration of the interior landscape of a sensitive young girl."
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lent: a downward movement of the soul

2010-02-16T13:11:00.000-08:00

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Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts.
See if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
(Psalm 139:23-24)

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This has been my prayer leading up to Lent: that the Lord would search me, try me, know me and show me those habits which compel me to have a divided heart (Psalm 86:11).
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Bobby Gross writes: "Each year the season of Lent asks us to embrace a spiritual gravity, a downward movement of the soul, a turning from our self-sufficiency and sinfulness. In such quiet turning, we are humbled and thus made ready to receive from God a fresh and joyous grace."
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This will be my first year practicing Lent. I have had friends who have practiced Lent in the past and I have watched curiously as they fasted from facebook or sugar or coffee. But I have never participated myself. I feel new and inexperienced, full of anticipation but also wary that I won't be faithful to that which I have committed to abstain from. But this stanza from George Herbert's poem on Lent has encouraged me:
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"It's true, we cannot reach Christ's forti'eth day;
Yet to go part of that religious way,
Is better than to rest:
We cannot reach our Saviour's purity;
Yet we are bid, 'Be holy ev'n as he,'
In both let's do our best."
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It is true: I might fail. I will fail. This time set aside for repentance and prayer will no doubt only highlight more of my weaknesses. As C.S. Lewis said, "No man knows how bad he is until he has tried very hard to be good." But perhaps that is also the point of Lent. This season is a reminder of our fleshly and messy humanity, our mortality, our failure. And so often it is in this humble state that the Lord reveals himself to us. We are made ready to receive from God a fresh and joyous grace.
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In preparation, I have printed off the liturgy for the Ash Wednesday service from the online Book of Common Prayer and have been reading over Psalm 51 and the litany of penitence. (Though, I finally bought my own copy of the Book of Common Prayer at my church's book sale this afternoon, so now I have a real book to hold rather than a few scraps of paper!) There are also some helpful passages about the purpose of Lent and some practical suggestions in Living the Christian Year and Welcome to the Church Year that I have been reading over.
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This year I have decided to fast from bread, seeking to understand more fully the true Bread of Life. I am a breadaholic who eats the warm yummy goodness for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, so giving it up will prove quite a challenge, I know. But as Lauren Winner writes, "We fast during Lent because fasting gets our attention. It is a necessary tool for rousing us from our day-to-day sleepwalking."
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And lastly, a song for Lent, based on Psalm 51:
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petite ballerinas, prayers, & cheesecake

2010-02-16T07:51:00.000-08:00

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These are a few recent prayers and prayer requests from the girls at the preschool ballet class I teach. Sometimes it is so hard not to laugh!
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IT: My prayer request this week is for my head. I was hit with a snowball and it hurt.
AE: Wasn't that your prayer request last week too?
IT: Well, um, yes...but last week I was speaking in a different language.
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JD (a four year old): Please pray for my children.
GS: Who are your children? How do you have children?
JD: Well, you know, my children! (Very offended-like, as if we didn't know she had children.)
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IT: Lord, please help the lady whose mother died. And Lord, we REALLY need some cheesecake. Amen.
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the shallow conduit hails the unfathomed sea

2010-02-13T13:43:00.000-08:00

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O Lord, I cannot plead my love of Thee:
I plead Thy love of me; --
The shallow conduit hails the unfathomed sea.
(Christina Rossetti)
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seeing grace

2010-02-08T18:25:00.000-08:00

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"When he came, and saw the grace of God,
he was glad, and exhorted them all
to remain faithful to the Lord, with steadfast purpose."
(Acts 11:23)
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How often I ask for grace, and yet how rarely I take time to see it. How rarely I look for the trace of God's hand in the world around me.
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This week I search for grace.
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--for Christ plays in ten thousand places,
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his,
To the father through the features of men's faces.
{Gerald Manley Hopkins}
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valentine inspiration

2010-02-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

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A few things I've been staring at recently:
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1 | embroidery heart pins from maggie makes
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2 | there aren't enough words valentine from melt
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3 | heart-shaped cherry chocolate chip scones from such pretty things
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4 | heart pictures from a beautiful mess
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5 | love is sweet valentines from design sponge
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6 | lace tealight from mint
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7 | chocolate strawberry ice cream sandwiches from mint
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8 | heart-shaped zipper pouches from the purl bee
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9 | valentine cottages from melt
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the view from my window

2010-02-07T08:09:00.000-08:00

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This is a picture I took of the view from my window sometime last summer:
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And this is what my view looks like today:
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And I was standing thigh-deep in the snow as I took this picture!
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whole wheat apple muffins

2010-02-06T08:03:00.000-08:00

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Awhile back I mentioned that I wanted to bake these muffins from Smitten Kitchen. I found the recipe last fall and thought they looked oh-so-delicious. Well, last night my mom and I were at the grocery store (along with just about everyone else in the northeast) and I had the idea to buy some apples to make these muffins, since I knew we'd be snowed in this morning. So we bought a few gala apples and this morning we had a delicious breakfast of whole wheat apple muffins, grapefruit, and tea while watching the snow fall. It was delightful.

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And the muffins are really delicious. They're moist and not too sweet at all and they have lots of cinnamon. Just the way I like 'em. Yum!
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Whole Wheat Apple Muffins
Yields 18
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1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup dark brown sugar, packed
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 cup buttermilk or yogurt (I used buttermilk)
2 large apples, peeled, cored, and diced
Cinnamon sugar
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1. Preheat the oven to 450. Grease and flour 18 muffin cups and set aside.
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2. Mix together the flours, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon, and set aside. In a separate bowl, cream the butter and add the granulated sugar and brown sugar. Beat until fluffy. Add the egg and mix well; stop once to scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl. Mix in the buttermilk gently. (If you over-mix, the buttermilk will cause the mixture to curdle.) Stir in the dry ingredients and gently fold in the apple chunks.
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3. Divide the batter evenly among the prepared muffin cups. Sprinkle cinnamon sugar on the tops of the muffins. Bake for 10 minutes, then turn the heat down to 400, and bake for an additional 5-10 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean. Cool the muffins in the tin for 5 minutes and then turn them out on a wire wrack to cool completely.
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The snow is still coming down and we already have around two feet. But there is something fun about being snowed in...and warm muffins and tea with your mom make it all more the enchanting.
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book of the week | living the sabbath

2010-01-31T14:46:00.000-08:00

I am still quite behind on my weekly book reviews. I read this book the second week of the year. Reviews on my other January books coming shortly, I hope!
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It is Sunday evening as I write this. I spent the day resting. I slept in somewhat late after a long evening last night. I went to church. I came home and ate and did nothing in particular. I watched a movie with my family. I re-organized my morning room and stared at my books for awhile. I flipped through a few magazines. I prepared and planned for the week ahead. I did some laundry. I read and prayed.
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One of my resolutions for two thousand and ten was to finish all of my homework by Saturday night each week in order to have a day of complete rest on Sunday. Days like today remind me of how grateful I am to have made this decision
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(Perhaps I should mention, though, that while it makes for some lovely Sundays, it also makes for some rather miserable Saturdays as I scrunch in all my homework! But at least my sister, who had a lot of homework herself on Saturday, was here to commiserate with me. We found some ways to procrastinate together, though, such as redesigning her blog.)
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In any case, I picked up Living the Sabbath: Discovering the Rhythms of Rest and Delight by Norman Wirzba two weeks ago in hopes that it would encourage and enlighten my pursuit of seeking sabbath rest. I anticipated the book would discuss the need for setting aside a day of complete rest, but instead I found the book's thesis focused on not just abstaining from work on Sunday, but rather what it looks like to live out the principle of sabbath rest throughout the entire week. Wirzba transforms the Old Testament law of setting aside a single day into a New Testament principle that should characterize our entire lives--one that often goes unnoticed in our modern church, it seems.
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The main theme that runs throughout the book is the need to slow down, to worship in the ordinary moments, to realize our dependency on God, to see our work as worship, to take delight and pleasure in the gifts of God. As Wirzba writes, "The Sabbath asks us to notice. It compels us to reconsider and question with depth and seriousness what all our striving is ultimately for" (38). Our lives are so often characterized by this endless pursuit for more--more money, more pleasure, more knowledge, more popularity. Wirzba carefully and thoughtfully reminds us that there is another way, that this striving for earthly pleasure is not what God intended for us.
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At first I questioned how this all related to the Sabbath. The foreword by Wendell Berry and the repeated mentions of environmental issues and the critical analysis of our current food production (in the first chapter, no less) made me skeptical at first; perhaps this author simply has an agenda, I questioned. But the more I read and the more I thought about it and the more I go back over my notes and underlined passages, I am beginning to see the absolute importance of his message from a scriptural perspective.
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I cannot go into every detail of the book, obviously, but I want to quote one passage that especially stood out to me. In part one, Wirzba discusses the need for Sabbath living and then in part two discusses the practical manifestations of living out the principle of the Sabbath. There is much to mull over throughout the book and I definitely think it merits more than one reading, but the one chapter that struck me more than all the rest was the one on Sabbath worship.
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Wirzba writes in this chapter, "We have divorced worship too much from our everyday lives and placed it in a purely spiritual realm, not realizing that in doing so we have rendered it abstract and anemic, cut off from the flows and patterns of daily life. Rather than having our worship grow seamlessly and spontaneously (more honestly?) from the activities we perform daily, we have confined it to special buildings and times that are susceptible to the fabrication and hype--the deceit of vainglorious and "empty words" (Eph. 5:6)--of the moment" (159).
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There are so many other treasures of thought-provoking wisdom in this book and I plan to write more about what I have gleaned and am gleaning from Wirzba's words in the future. But for now, I encourage you to find a copy yourself and sit down prepared to learn. It is not at all what I had expected it to be, but, as so often happens, I found that it is exactly what I needed to hear.
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Book Information:
Published in 2006 by Brazos Press
165 pages
12 chapters:
---1. Losing Our Way
---2. The Meaning of the Sabbath
---3. From Sabbath to Sunday
---4. The Practice of Delight
---5. The Decline of Delight
---6. Pain and Suffering
---7. Work and the Sabbath
---8. Sabbath at Home
---9. Sabbath Economics
---10. Sabbath Education
---11. Sabbath Environmentalism
---12. Sabbath Worship
Part One: Setting a Sabbath Context | Part Two: The Sabbath in Practical Context
Foreward by Wendell Berry
Preface
Price: $17.09
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the river of your delights

2010-01-26T21:07:00.000-08:00

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How precious is your steadfast love, O God!
The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house,
And you give them drink from the river of your delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
In your light do we see light.
(Psalm 36:7-9, ESV)
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fabric pom poms

2010-01-25T17:50:00.000-08:00

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I can't get over how pretty these are.
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DIY Fabric Pom Poms
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{images via OnceWed}
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dorm decisions

2010-01-24T19:14:00.000-08:00

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So I have to decide as soon as possible whether I want to live in a dorm with hall bathrooms or suite bathrooms. And I keep debating between the two and simply cannot decide!
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Here's what I am thinking so far:
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Hall Bathrooms: Builds community more. Someone else cleans it. A stall/shower/sink is pretty much always available. You get to know the people on your hall better.
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Suite Bathrooms: You don't have to lug your soap and toothbrush and whatnot down to the bathroom every morning and evening. More privacy. More counter space. You get to decorate it. You get the fun aspect of having suite mates.
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As soon as I am sure I have decided on the one, I start to thinking about how the other option really would be better. And I am the type of person who likes to make decisions fast, so this is really frustrating me.
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Thoughts or suggestions, anyone? (Ahem, sister?)
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book of the week | till we have faces

2010-01-23T12:12:00.000-08:00

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Along with my resolution to read a book a week in 2010, I hoped to find the time to write a few thoughts about each book on here as I finished them. And while I am (almost) on track with the reading aspect, I fell a bit behind these first few weeks in writing about the books. So, a bit belatedly, here are some thoughts on Till We Have Faces: A Myth Retold by C.S. Lewis, which I read the first week of the new year.

Also, I want to mention that I did originally write this for a class, so please excuse my authoritative tone. I honestly have not read any literary criticism on Lewis's book, so my understanding of the novel might not always be accurate. This is simply how I interpreted the book.

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I have heard from several sources that C.S. Lewis claimed that Till We Have Faces was his own favorite book of all that he had written. So it was with anticipation that I first opened the novel. Immediately, though, I noticed this book was unlike any of his other books. It still held the themes that will always be associated with Lewis--longing and desire and the nature of love--and it contained symbolism, like so many other of his novels, and yet it was heavier, deeper, more grotesque, if you will. But even amidst its depth, or perhaps because of it, I found the novel enchanting.
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The book is a retelling of the Greek myth of Cupid and Psyche. Lewis altered the myth slightly to fit his purposes: he set the events in a different time period and place (a fictional, pre-Christian country near Hellenistic Greece), he added a few characters, and he developed his own theme. But for the most part, the novel is faithful to the original myth. The story tells of the ugly Orual who possessively loves her younger sister, Psyche. It is written in the first person from the perspective of Orual. Book one is her "accusation of the gods," in which she claims the gods have stolen Psyche's love from her. In book two, however, Orual reflects on her previous writing and tells how she has changed and how she believes what she wrote in the first half of the novel is all wrong--that it was herself, not the gods, who were to blame. The novel ends mid-sentence, and there is an after note that says Orual collapsed and died as she wrote.
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As in many other of his novels, Lewis uses much symbolism. It is the case here also, though perhaps not so obvious. However, I want to write about two symbols, mainly because they illuminated to me the theme of the novel.
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At the beginning of the book, the traits of a Christ figure become immediately apparent in the character of Psyche. She is described as supremely beautiful and innocent. She has miraculous powers and people flock to her so that they may be healed by her touch. And eventually, when the land of Glome has been scourged by disease, war, and lions, the people sacrifice her to the gods as she is the only one who is an image of perfection and worthy to be sacrificed in their place. She is hung on a bare tree and left to die. Her perfection, miraculous powers, and sacrificial death clearly mirror a Christ-life.
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At the same time, however, she also is a symbol of a mortal seeking after truth. The name "Psyche" means "soul." Lewis himself said, speaking of Psyche, "She is in some ways like Christ because every good man or woman is like Christ." He clearly doesn't state that she is only a symbol of Christ, she is merely like Christ--and in her character, one can also see the elements of the human soul. For even amidst her perfection and beauty, she longs for "home," saying:
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"The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing--to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from...my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing, all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back. All my life the god of the Mountain has been wooing me. Oh, look up once at least before the end and wish me joy. I am going to my lover. Do you see now--?" (76)
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This longing for home--or as Lewis believed, heaven--is something he believed characterized every human soul. In one of his more famous quotes, he says, "If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world." Accentuating his oft-used theme, Psyche's longing for "the place where all the beauty came from" clearly symbolizes her as a mortal and reminds us of our own longings for another world.
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Another striking symbol in the novel is the veil that Psyche's sister, Orual, wears in the latter half of the book. Orual constantly speaks of her own ugliness and the veil is her way of covering up her unattractiveness. But there seems to be a deeper meaning to the veil. One of the main themes of the novel, as expressed in the title, is that we cannot understand the intent of the gods--or God--until we see them ourselves. At the end of the book, Orual says:
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"I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?" (294)
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The veil, therefore, is a symbol of our own veiled faces--of how humanity cannot fully see, cannot fully understand. Of how we are blinded to the supernatural world that invisibly walks among us. At the very end of the novel, when Orual finally sees the gods and the world and herself for what they really are, Orual writes, "Hands came from behind me and tore off my veil--after it, every rag I had on" (289). In the presence of the gods, her veil is torn from her and her vision is restored. She sees, understands, comprehends.
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I also found, besides the symbolism, that the first-person point of view furthered the themes of the novel. In the first part of the book, as we see through Orual's eyes, we feel partial to her--we too feel angry with the gods for screwing up her life when she seems so innocent. While perhaps here and there we might question her actions or accusations, for the most part the reader feels the same hatred that Orual feels at the end of book one.
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In book two, Orual still speaks in the first person, but in a more humble, reflective way. Looking back on the tale that she told in book one, she perceives herself how possessive her love was towards others, how it was she who so often birthed the problems she faced. Through the first person, we too see how self-favoring and one-sided our understanding of the world so often is. We enter into Orual's journey and become like her, in a sense, traveling with her through anger and hardening and ultimately into a sort of shocked and humble repentance in the presence of the gods.
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It was these things--the symbolism and the perspective--that to me made the book deeper and more thought-provoking. But the story itself was captivating, the type of book that you set down and cannot wait to pick it up again. My first week back to school was quite often interrupted with extra long lunch breaks! Lewis once again wrote a purely enjoyable novel.
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And while this might sound contradictory, I think one of the most surprising elements to me in Till We Have Faces is how little specific Christian symbolism Lewis used. I've highlighted the main ones--and really, Psyche's sacrificial death is the only obvious one. A reader could certainly enjoy the book without knowing anything of Lewis's background. And I think is one of the main reasons the book appeals to me. It is not so straightforward. It is graver, more intense, even more confusing than his other novels. I opened up the first page and was daunted by the host of strange mythical names and the foreign, barbaric setting, but eventually, the novel wove itself into me--and now, two weeks after I finished it, I am still trying to wrap my mind around the themes and nature of the novel. It is the type of book that merits more than one reading.
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And lastly, I think one could say that the book might be summed up in one of my favorite Bible passages, I Corinthians 13:12, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
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Book Information:
Published in 1956 by Harcourt Books
313 pages
Book One: 21 chapters | Book Two: 4 chapters
Note from C.S. Lewis at the end outlining the original myth of Cupid and Psyche
Price: $10.08
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tomato & sausage risotto

2010-01-17T17:55:00.001-08:00

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My brother and I made this earlier this week and it was so delicious. Unfortunately, I was rushing out the door to leave for a meeting and I was not able to take any pictures, but check out the beautiful pictures on Smitten Kitchen. Yum.
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Tomato and Sausage Risotto
serves 4
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1 can (28 ounces) diced tomatoes in juice
1 tablespoon olive oil
3/4 pound sweet or hot Italian sausage, casings removed
1 small onion, finely chopped
Coarse salt and ground pepper
1 cup Arborio rice
1/2 cup dry white wine
1 bunch flat leaf spinach (10 to 14 ounces), washed well, tough stems removed, chopped (about 7 cups)
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese, plus more for serving
2 tablespoons butter
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1. In a small saucepan, combine tomatoes (with their juice) and 3 cups water. Bring just to a simmer; keep warm over low heat.
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2. In a medium saucepan, heat oil over medium. Add sausage and onion; season with salt and pepper. Cook, breaking up sausage with a spoon, until the sausage is opaque and onion has softened, 3 to 5 minutes.
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3. Add rice; cook, stirring until well coated, 1 to 2 minutes. Add wine; cook, stirring until absorbed, about 1 minute.
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4. Add about 2 cups of hot tomato mixture to rice; simmer over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally, until absorbed, 4 to 5 minutes. Continue adding tomato mixture, 1 cup at a time, waiting for one cup to be absorbed before adding the next, stirring occasionally, until rice is creamy and just tender, about 25 minutes total (you may not have to use all the liquid).
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5. Remove pan from heat. Stir in spinach, Parmesan, and butter; season with salt and pepper. Serve immediately (risotto will thicken as it cools), and sprinkle with additional Parmesan if desired.
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(We added some fresh basil to the top as well. Also, make sure to use high quality Parmesan cheese for the best taste.)
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a tribute video

2010-01-11T08:39:00.000-08:00

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I watched this video yesterday and was inspired by this man's life, in particular his faith and his prayer life. It's a bit long at 47 minutes, but well worth watching! It is a tribute to John Yates, who is the senior pastor of the Falls Church in Falls Church, Virginia. (You will need to pause the music at the bottom of my page in order to hear the audio.)
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flower stationary

2010-01-10T13:17:00.001-08:00

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Early in December, while I was still in the throes of art history and statistics and getting desperate for break, a completely crafty mood came over me. I spent my few free minutes every day perusing craft blogs. And while unfortunately my wonderful plans for crafting every spare minute of my Christmas break didn't happen, I was able to fit in a few crafts, one of which was these super simple flower stationary cards. I found the idea from Ashley Ann.

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I chose them mostly because they looked quick and simple and because I had most of the materials already. All you need is a glue (I used a hot glue gun), some plain note cards, and some silk hydrangeas. It was a fun way to use up the enormous stack of white note cards I've collected from my past rubber stamping years.

I followed what Ashley Ann did and used colored hydrangeas on white note cards, but I was also thinking it would look beautiful to use white hydrangeas on brightly colored note cards, yes?
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For the full instructions (though it's really nothing more than arranging the flowers on the note card and gluing them on), go here.

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I didn't have any raffeta for the packaging, so I just used some matching ribbon that I had laying around and used that to package the note cards. And inspired by Ashley Ann, I stuck one of the hydrangea leaves in to add a bit of color. It is not my favorite handmade stationary ever, but it makes a simple gift!

two thousand and ten

2010-01-06T20:09:00.000-08:00

Resolutions:

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1. Go to bed early and wake up early.
2. Strive to become familiar with and structure my devotions around the church calendar, particularly by using the material in Living the Christian Year by Bobby Gross.
3. Read one book each week for a total of 52 books.
4. Take Sabbath rests by completing all homework by Saturday night, visiting a local coffeeshop after church for reflection and reading, and using the extra free time for prayer, reading, and nurturing relationships.
5. Journal daily.
6. Seek out three mentors and spend intentional time with them, learning from them.
7. Spend one full hour in prayer daily.
8. Be intentional about seeking out others rather than waiting to be sought out.
9. Blog more regularly--at least three times a week.
10. Exercise more--dance twice weekly, pilates three times a week, and jogging twice a week.
11. Eat fruit for breakfast. And strive to replace any processed foods I eat with more natural foods. Also, less sugar and more fruits and vegetables.
12. Read through the New Testament throughout the year.
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Some notes on some particular resolutions:
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Three: This is the resolution that I'm probably most excited about. This week's book is Till We Have Faces and it's reminding me just how much I love fiction and C.S. Lewis.
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Four: This is something I decided I needed to do. Sunday afternoons used to be my time to rest, reflect, and prepare for the week ahead. But this past semester, my quiet afternoons were usurped by rushing around and frantically doing AP Statistics tests at 11pm. Not having any time to rest or any day without school wore me down. And I am realizing how natural rest is to our nature, how much we need it. So I am not allowing myself to make to-do lists for Sundays, not even in my head. I want to have a day when I can just focus on being rather than doing.
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Eight: This resolution was especially college-intended. I know from college friends that this is a realization that they came to in their own college careers, and I want to learn from them. Mainly, my goal is that I should not selfishly expect people to be pursuing friendships with me. Rather I need to be intentional about seeking others out and pursuing relationships. It sounds a lot easier than it really is, me thinks. But I suppose I'll see for myself come August.
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Nine: This post is the realization of this goal. Two more posts by Sunday, I promise. Megan tells me she will hold me accountable. Please do.
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Twelve: As I am also trying to follow the daily scripture readings in Living the Christian Year, I decided to just read through the New Testament this year rather than the entire Bible. I think it will also provide more time for careful reflection as the reading itself won't take so long. Sometimes the amount of reading required for a full read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year plan has me reading too quickly while not really meditating on what I am reading. And it's been a long time since I lingered awhile in the New Testament (the Psalms have been carrying me through this crazy past semester), so I'm looking forward to that.
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I have lots of other goals that didn't quite make it to the list. I want to cook more. Spend more time with my Mom. Spend more time outside. Strive to get past those ever-present selfish insecurities. Be more consistent about posting on the bloom! blog. Be kinder. Reply to e-mails faster. Write long letters weekly to my college siblings and friends. Spend more time being creative and using my hands. Be more spontaneous. Light candles more often. Memorize more scripture. Use my summer doing something useful. Take more pictures and learn more about my NikonD40. Trust God more fully. Read more poetry.
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And, ultimately, stop making goals and start actually working towards them.
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not merely another day in the weary round of time

2009-12-26T14:59:00.001-08:00

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Except for losing my voice and not really being able to talk, I had a truly lovely Christmas. Yesterday, I was sitting alone in our over-sized chair cuddled with a blanket in the darkened family room. The Christmas tree lights were illuminating the room as they blinked on and off in mechanical rhythm and my mother's Christmas brass music was playing in the background. I could hear the voices of my family in the next room as they made the last preparations for dinner. I sat alone, surrounded by the goodness of it all: of traditions, of life, of redemption.

For Christmas is not merely a day like any other day.
It is a day made holy and special by a sacred mystery.
It is not merely another day in the weary round of time.
Today, eternity enters into time, and time, sanctified,
is caught up into eternity.
(Thomas Merton)

In a somewhat more earthly way, I am also grateful for the generosity of others. I received so many lovely gifts. For record's sake (and to share about a few of my favorites), here's what I received this year:

--The Call: Finding and Fulfilling the Central Purpose of Your Life by Os Guinness (As I am college-bound this year, I have found myself surrounded by questions I haven't really considered before. Questions about life, purpose, calling, vocation. So far, this book has proven excellent in helping me to understand those issues more.)

--Living the Christian Year: Time to Inhabit the Story of God by Bobby Gross (This is the book I am most excited about. It is a sort of introduction and devotional guide on how to follow the liturgical church calendar. One of my New Years resolutions is to become more familiar with the church year and strive to structure my life more around that calendar. I think this will prove extraordinarily helpful with that goal. Plus, the introduction is by Lauren Winner!)

--A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken (I have read this favorite book twice already. I first read it when I was thirteen and I just re-read it a few weeks ago, but I have never owned a copy of my own.)

--Paris to the Moon by Adam Gopnik (Travel memoirs. Paris. Sounds all around lovely.)

--Half the Sky: Turning Oppression Into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn (After delving into oppression and opportunity for women for the peace contest I entered earlier this year, I am anxious to learn more. I've heard several good things about this book in particular and look forward to reading it.)

--The Maytrees by Annie Dillard (I wanted more Annie Dillard after reading Pilgrim at Tinker Creek. And I've been in the mood for a good novel. And it's set in Cape Cod. Three wonderful things all in one book.)

--Living the Sabbath: Discovering the Rhythms of Rest and Delight by Norman Wirzba

--A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World by Paul E. Miller

--An American Childhood by Annie Dillard

--The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life by Henri J.M. Nouwen

--Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home by Richard Foster (I really liked the chapter on prayer from Celebration of Discipline and have been anxious to read Foster's entire book on prayer.)

--Blue-patterned scarf from H&M (This made me so happy. I saw it at H&M a month or two ago and fell in love with it. But I decided I didn't need to spend the money. I mentioned something to Amy about it and doubted that she would even know what I was talking about, much less be able to actually find it a month later after I had seen it. But she did! And I adore it so very much.)

--Vera Bradley notecards

--Karnai Button Booties

--A tripod

--New gauchos

--Water bottle (My favorite present. Yes, a water bottle. I bought this water bottle last March and then cracked it two weeks later. I have been looking ALL over the place online for this exact water bottle, but have not been able to find it. But Amy found the same one at a store nearby and I was just so completely thrilled. I am planning on going back and buying several more just in case I break it again!)

--Vanilla Amber candle (Smells so delightful.)

--36-count fine tip markers

--Flower and striped notecards

--Martha Stewart tissue paper pom-pom kit

--Cavallini & Co. London easel calendar

--The usual stocking collection of hair accouterments, candy, toothpaste, and whatnot
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grace & peace,
Jessina
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pillows & giveaway

2009-11-23T18:44:00.000-08:00

So I won the Alicia Lane Home giveaway at Stephmodo and I am now trying to decide what I should spend the $100 on. I am thinking a pillow, but can't decide which one I like.

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----My sister thinks it's strange to have a pillow showing a bird with a worm in its mouth, but I sort of like the nature-feel of the bird pillow. I also really like the brown brocade one, but then sometimes I think it's too regal for me. Any suggestions? Lots of other pretty choices here. -

I was so utterly surprised that I won this giveaway. There were 315 entries, for goodness sake! I read somewhere once that if you ever want to win a prize/contest/giveaway, you must enter every single one you come across. If you never enter, you're never going to win. I've taken that advice quite seriously and have entered pretty much every contest I've come across since then, for prizes that I've liked and even some that I haven't especially liked. It worked, I guess. And I'm quite pleased with the contest I did win! Now to decide how I want to use my gift card. Suggestions welcome!

grace & peace,

Jessina-

todays & tomorrows

2009-11-09T18:37:00.000-08:00

I am reminded tonight that life is not made up of hopes and tomorrows, but of minute-by-minute choices.

I am planner at heart, an "I'll start next Monday" person. Next Monday I'll start waking up 6am. Next Monday I'll start jogging 5 days a week. Next Monday I'll begin to talk more and be less shy. Next Monday I won't be so selfish. Next Monday I'll spend more time in prayer. Next Monday I'll make more time to pursue creative skills. Next Monday I'll start blogging regularly. Next Monday I won't leave my statistics homework until 10pm.

I like fresh beginnings, schedules, and to-do lists.

But I am reminded tonight that if I keep putting off my goals until the opportune time to pursue them, life will escape me. I must live today.

This minute provides me with choices. I can spend this minute in prayer or I can spend this minute reading a random person's blog. I can choose this minute to head down to the basement and go jogging on the treadmill or I can choose this minute to browse around Facebook. I can spend this minute finishing up the last chapter of The Weight of Glory or I can spend this minute making another to-do list for tomorrow.

I won't magically wake up next Monday morning and be the person I want to be.

Becoming the person that I want to be, desire to be, and was created to be means making decisions right now. This minute. I have been given these 60 seconds in front of me. How will I choose to use them?

Let not your longing slay your appetite for living. (Jim Elliot)

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. (Matthew 6:34)

a bounce upward

2009-10-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

Freshen the Flowers, She Said

So I put them in the sink, for the cool porcelain

was tender,

and took out the tattered and cut each stem

on a slant,

trimmed the black and raggy leaves, and set them all--

roses, delphiniums, daisies, iris, lilies,

and more whose names I don't know, in bright new water--

gave them

a bounce upward at the end to let them take

their own choice of position, the wheels, the spurs,

the little sheds of the buds. It took, to do this,

perhaps fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes of music

with nothing playing.

(Mary Oliver, Why I Wake Early: New Poems)

three articles

2009-10-12T08:37:00.000-07:00

1. The Girl in the Attic (I still haven't read Anne Frank's diary.)

2. Europe: 100 Hotels Under $150 (So beautiful. I want to go back.)

3. A Quest to Read a Book a Day for 365 Days (What a lovely idea.)

enjoyment overflows into praise

2009-10-08T20:31:00.000-07:00

I spent a little while under the bright sun with my art history text the other day. It was beautiful--a little breezy, sunny, and green with the tint of autumn colors. Oh, how I adore some quiet, contemplative moments in the grass. The delight I felt made me think of this quote:

"But the most obvious fact about praise—whether of God or anything—strangely escaped me. I thought of it in terms of compliment, approval, or the giving of honor. I had never noticed that all enjoyment spontaneously overflows into praise...

The world rings with praise—lovers praising their mistresses, readers their favorite poet, walkers praising the countryside, players praising their favorite game...My whole, more general, difficulty about the praise of God depended on my absurdly denying to us, as regards the supremely Valuable, what we delight to do, what indeed we can't help doing, about everything else we value. I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation."

(C.S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms, 94-95)

clean water

2009-10-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

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Today was the first day that I have actually been grateful it's fall. I've spent the past month lamenting the end of summer, but today something changed. Tea, scarves, and holiday celebrations are sounding lovely right now.

And these words have been on my mind tonight:

"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleanesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. You shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I will be your God."

(Ezekial 36:25-28)

grace & peace,

Jessina

my soul thirsts

2009-10-06T19:25:00.001-07:00

As a deer pants for flowing streams,

so pants my soul for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God,

for the living God.

When shall I come and see the face of God?

...By day the Lord commands his steadfast love

and at night his song is with me,

a prayer to the God of my life.

{Psalm 42:1-2 & 8}

whoever wants to save his life will lose it

2009-09-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

I needed to read this today. I am not a mother or a wife, obviously, but dying to self is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. And these words reminded me of how selfish I am and how desperately I need the love and grace of God.

"Living like the world revolves around me can look 'christian' if done the 'right' way. We can do good stuff, talk right, smile, go to church, have children, and all the rest of the list for: ourselves ~ For our own good, not for the good of others. For reputation. For a pat on the back. For praise and adoration from others.

How can I know if I am living out of the world's idea about life instead of God's?

-I don't have inward (or outward) peace when things don't go as I want.

-I can't get over hurt.

-I use people for my own agenda, reputation, or purposes.

-I manipulate (kindly or unkindly) for my own good.

-I get frustrated in relationships when someone doesn't act like I think they should.

-I feel sorry for myself.

-I deal with depression or discouragement on a daily basis.

-I want, and maybe even demand, that others live up to my standards and beliefs.

-I am discontent with what I have and don't have. Always want more.

-I compare myself to others.

-I can't be wrong, others are.

-I want things to happen in my time frame.

-I cut others down to lift myself up.

-I only surround myself with people who think like me.

-I shift blame.

-I do things with expectations of return from others.

-I give to get.

-I am "happiest" when everyone thinks well of me.

-I live by my feelings, not reality.

-I do "good" things with ME as the ultimate motive.

-I think my desires and dreams are what I should live for.

-I want the glory. The affirmation. The praise for what I do and my children do.

-I want my accomplishments to be known.

That's just a few signs that come to my mind and I write them out of personal experience with my own flesh.

'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.' (Mark 8:34-35)"

(by Alyssa Welch)

megan

2009-09-26T10:58:00.000-07:00

-I remember the first time we met. It was a cold, dreary January day and my sister Amy and I were just starting dance classes at a new studio. Amy and I were rather nervous, to say the least. When the class started, the teacher announced a time to spread out on the floor and just stretch. So Amy and I sort of found our own little corner apart from the others to stretch by ourselves. But a moment later soft-voiced, red-headed Megan tranced over to us and and with her shy smile, plopped down on the floor to stretch beside us. And then she started sweetly and quietly bombarding us with questions: "Where do you live? What's your favorite book? How many siblings do you have? Who's your favorite author?"-I remember thinking from that moment that this must be one kind-hearted girl. She had left her little comfort zone with her other friends to welcome the "new girls" and had graciously reached out to get to know us. I decided then and there that I wanted to be friends with this red-headed girl. And am I ever so grateful that she was okay with that idea! :)----Megan left for college a month ago. But two days before she left we met up for a trip to the bookstore (we've been talking about books ever since she asked me that first day who my favorite author was), some lounging around a coffeshop, and a photoshoot.-
Megan has this penchant for being extraordinarily elegant at the same time as being extraordinarily fun. I wish I could pull that off as well as she can!-
--But one of the things I love most about Megan is her sincerity. It seems to me that she is always seeking to know and understand the Lord better and discerning how to seek His glory and follow His will in her life. And this desire of hers is so sincere. It's not made up just so that she looks like a better "Christian." She is genuine. And I admire that so much.---She also happens to be awfully pretty.-

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One final thing I love about Megan: her laugh.
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Megan, thanks for being such a sweet, caring, and genuine friend! I miss you!-grace & peace,Jessina-

ten recipes I want to make soon

2009-09-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

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1. Spinach and Butternut Squash Lasagna
2. Spinach Rice Gratin (omitting tofu and olives, please)
3. Oatmeal Scones
4. Two Corn Polenta
5. Twiced Baked Potato with Rosemary and Feta
6. Crisp Rosemary Flatbread
7. Tortellini and Spinach Soup
8. Spicy Two Cheese Penne with Garlic-Thyme Breadcrumbs
9. Whole Wheat Apple Muffins
10. Homemade Graham Crackers

Yum.
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berry-almond crumble

2009-09-08T06:22:00.000-07:00

I made this recipe from Fresh365 a few nights ago and it was oh-so-yummy.

Berry-Almond Crumble

serves 4-6

filling

2 1/2 c berries (I used blueberries & raspberries)

2 T sugar

1 T flour

1 t cornstarch

topping

1/2 c slivered almonds, chopped

1 1/4 c all-purpose flour

1/2 c packed light brown sugar

1/4 c sugar

1 t cinnamon

1/4 t salt

1/2 c butter, melted (1 stick)

1/4 t vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350F. In a bowl, combine filling ingredients, mixing well. Set aside.

In a large bowl, mix together almonds, flour, brown sugar, sugar, cinnamon and salt. Stir in butter and vanilla, mixing well, until it mixture becomes crumbly.

Spread filling evenly in a 8" square baking dish. Spoon topping over filling, and place in oven. Bake 30 minutes, until topping is golden brown and fruit is bubbling.
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summer reading

2009-08-21T14:08:00.000-07:00

This afternoon was a perfectly rainy, summer day for reading. There was thunder in the distance and the pitter-patter of rain against my window. The clouds were heavy and dark and my room was silent and dim with a candle lit on top of my bookshelf. I dragged my cream wing chair to face the window and snuggled down for one of my favorite summer pasttimes. So lovely.

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At the beginning of summer, I made myself a rather daunting book list. 30 books. The summer's end is nearing and I am still quite far from finishing all 30, but I plan to continue on with these books until I do finish them...hopefully sometime in September or October.
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Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Prince Capsian by C.S. Lewis
The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life by Hannah Whitall Smith
The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcom Gladwell
Why We're Not Emergent (by Two Guys Who Should Be) by Kevin DeYoung and Ted Kluck
To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
How to Read Literature Like a Professor by Thomas C. Foster
Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose
The Complete Short Stories by Flannery O'Connor
The New Faithful: Why Young Adults are Embracing Christian Orthodoxy by Colleen Carroll
King Lear by William Shakespeare
The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis
Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis
The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller
Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster
The Good Girl Revolution: Young Rebels with Self-esteem and High Standards by Wendy Shalit
Original Sin: A Cultural History by Alan Jacobs
Confessions by St. Augustine
Handmade Home by Amanda Blake Soule
The Lost Painting by Jonathan Harr
Why I Wake Early: New Poems by Mary Oliver
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard
An Intelligent Person's Guide to Philosophy by Roger Scruton
Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder
Citizens by Simon Schama
The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis
Theology: The Basic Readings by Alister E. McGrath
Wrestling Prayer by Eric and Leslie Ludy
The Creative Family by Amanda Blake Soule
Pensees by Blaise Pascal

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"There is no Frigate like a book,
To take me lands away..."
(Emily Dickinson)
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oh, the joy of a good book, a quiet room, and a rainy day!
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grace & peace,
Jessina

braden & christy

2009-08-10T13:03:00.000-07:00

-When Kristen first told us that we would be doing a photoshoot with Braden and Christy, I got just a bit nervous. You see, I've listened to sermons online that Braden has given and have heard his name mentioned here and there in the past few years. And to know that I was going to go and take pictures of him and his wife frightened me somewhat. But when I met Braden and Christy for the first time in the school parking lot in cute, downtown Laytonsville, their kindness and warmth overflowed. And I immediately relaxed. -Seriously, these two are so sweet and kind. It was such a privilege to get to know them a bit.-- -I want to grow up to be like Christy. She exudes such a beautiful and gentle and quiet spirit.--And, I am in love with her dress. So gorgeous! -And I am also in love with this picture. Ever since I started photography, I've wanted to take a picture like this. I know it's not anything new or creative, but I like it all the same. And Braden and Christy's outfits worked perfectly with the white brick wall. Love it!
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-Laytonsville was adorable and a perfect place for a photoshoot. As we were leaving and walking back down the main street, I kept spotting different areas that I wished I would have had time to shoot at. I loved all the gingerbread-style houses and the American flags waving up and down the street. Just perfect.--This next one is one of my favorites from the evening. --
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-For the most part, Braden and Christy seemed gentle and reserved and book-ish to me (apparently they like good food and old movies too), but...
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-...they also had a goofy side that came out here and there. :)
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They also graced us with some dancing. The sunlight was delicious! Oh, how I love summer.-

-But here's the joy, my friend and I are one;
Sweet flatt'ry, then she loves but me alone.(Shakespeare, Sonnets, 42)
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-Braden and Christy, it was truly an honor to get to know you a bit! Thank you for your graciousness and kindness to me and for the beautiful example of love that you have set. Happy (almost) 7th Anniversary! -

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grace & peace,
Jessina